his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
