before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
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