The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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