Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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