When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
