his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize