i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
