I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
