Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
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