I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
