Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
