MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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