dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
