Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
