I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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