Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
