I can't breathe out the right side of my face
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize