Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Randomize
