there was a trapeze. enough said
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize
