i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
