You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
