He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
