Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
