did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
