Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
