no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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