After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
