he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
home. puking in laundry basket.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize