shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
He kissed a someone with a penis
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
