If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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