I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
