i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
