is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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