He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
