your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Randomize
