Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
