i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
