hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
