I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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