soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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