Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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