We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
