kristin has been a bad kristin
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I would ride that face into the sunset
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
