He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Operation Purity has been aborted
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
