Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
