These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
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