i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Randomize
