Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
