If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
