His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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