got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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