My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
where are you?
Hypothermia
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
