i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Randomize