You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
