I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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