How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
