so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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