If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize