They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize