white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
