sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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