Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
