he referred to my room as the tit cave...
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
no more duck duck goose at the bar
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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