She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
