I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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