He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
