omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Randomize
