Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
