Yo dont text me then not text me
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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